Joseff Lawton

The Bowl

“She made a real lemon out of me”

“Kind of offensive” Lemon uttered completely disrupting Grapes heartbreaking tale.

Apple shifted in the bowl ignoring Lemon with a side eye “what did Pear actually say, like word for word”.

“She said, look you're Grape and it's nothing you did, and your friends are a berry bunch...”.

“Aww well that's cherry sweet of her” interrupted Lemon. “I'm glad I don't have to be bitter about the whole thing, probably best to let it mango and I…”.

Banana split into the conversation “do you know why Pear left him Lemon? Any idea?”

“I, I, I” stammered Lemon “no! I, I, don't even really know her. Other than those pear-fect curves, Haha, ha." Lemon's eyes rolled around to each member of the bowl, no one was laughing. The look they gave him made him feel like he was dehydrating and he wanted out. “err ok, I don't think I'm peeling very well guys”.

“It's no fig deal Lemon, we just want to have a fruitful discussion about you and Pear.” Apple (the fruits?) started to gravitate around Lemon.

“What do you mean guys I'm sure he wouldn't have done anything ... we’re zest-friends” a weakening came into Grape’s voice.

Banana lost it. She went for Lemon. Shouting and pushing him (and) till he was right up on the edge of the bowl. “I saw you both together, you were fully raisin. And she was juicing everywhere!

“IT WAS INNOCENT” lemon yelled as he was pushed, landing with a squash, "Ouch" said the squash, that would definitely cause a bruise. He carried on yelling “it wasn't what it looked like! Come on you can't be mad at a cute-cumber like me”. No one was listening they had already turned back to look at a very melon-choly grape.

“I don't guava clue why they would do this to me” Grape whined (out?) and tears started to form in the corners of his eyes. Banana sat down with grape be-cider.

Apple stomps up and down grumbling more to himself then anyone “It's plum-believable of them, I have a mind to do to them what I did to that doctor”

“O Banana” said Grape “you know what I'm really sad about, I never actually liked Pear that much. I only started dating her be-courgette you said we were made for peach other”

“Grape” Banana whispered so Apple wouldn't hear, she flashed such a brighter shade of yellow and (that?) you could almost forget she had just pushed someone out of the bowl. “I said that because Pear was my friend back then”, she now began speaking quicker and quicker “i apple- solutely understand if you, (don't?) like me, can go bad very (so?) easily being very thin skinned from my head tomatoes. But Grape…. olive you so much”

Grape gaped!

The Elf on the Stand

The elf on the stand stands tall, rosy cheeked, dignified, and angry. “I've been accused of crimes I did not commit”. Muttering ripples across the courtroom (come Christmas decoration box). Santa bangs his candy cane on the wooden red sleigh rattling the bells as his voice boomed “you will keep quiet, and you will listen” He nodded to the elf on the stand “continue”.

The elf on the stand did “For the 12 days of Christmas Increasingly deplorable acts were committed to the household. These were as follows: On the 12th day of Christmas, the crimes pinn -”

“HOW COULD YOU!” Screamed a very bald reindeer bursting out of its box, lighting the whole court up red. The elf on the stand turn to look but it was too late, SPLAT! Christmas pudding sticks to his face and red jumper staining the white frilly cuffs.

Santa was on his feet shouting, cheeks crimson waving the candy cane around like an old moustachioed general. “Rudolf you're grounded! Get him out of here and don't let him anywhere near a sleigh! Rudolf was quickly hoofed out by his equally bald reindeer friends.

The elf on the stand wiped some of the tasty treat off his head and then put it into his mouth. “mmmm Very nice” he said with a smirk but thought, That's right, never show them they got to you.

“Elf” Santa was not happy now. “Make your closing argument short”

The elf on the stand spoke. “On the 12 days of Christmas these crimes were pinned on me.

Twelve presents ruined

Eleven cookies broken

Ten ball-balls missing

Nine reindeer shaven

Eight snowman melted

Seven fruit cakes pooped in

Six mulled wine frozen

Five wreaths gone (missing - to keep the beat)

Four ribbons tangled

Three jumpers shrunken

Two snow globes empty

and a Jelly in a Christmas tree.”

Teeth could be heard grinding and every look was filled with impatient anger. but the elf on the stand would not stop. “None of you saw me commit any of these crimes. The facts. There is no evidence that I committed any of these crimes, only your speculation. You must find me innocent.” He punctuated the last statement with his fist hitting the stand.

Santa coughed weakly. He didn’t look at the elf on the stand and spoke with a small voice. “In light of no evidence for the defence” the elf on the stand whipped his head around, shock and fear mixing with Christmas pudding. “I find the defendant guilty, punishable by banishment to the shelf”.

“NO!!!!” Screamed the elf on the stand falling to his knees as the Christmas people erupted into screaming joy and started clapping one another on their backs. They never even noticed the bald reindeers grabbing the elf and taking him away. They never noticed his face change from hurt to anger. Only I, a small Christmas Robin could make out his last words. “You can't keep me on the shelf! I’ll be back” grinned the elf on the shelf.

Joseff Lawton

The Bowl

The Elf on the Stand

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